Parenting Doesn’t Mean Perfection
In the world that we live in a perfect parent does not exist. Our world is a mess, things go wrong, and we have to find a way to live through them. Sometimes this can mean overcoming trials and sometimes it means falling through the moments, hoping we land on our feet. That’s just human.
If we treat life like we are perfect, like we are unaffected by the upsetting parts of life, as if we could never make a mistake, who are we kidding? How can our children ever learn how to come to us with their problems? They need to know we know how hard this world is to live in, that we understand them, and the frustration they feel.
If we never ask for help when our problems are too big, how could they learn to do the same? Children learn by example, and learning how to handle failure and get back up again is a skill we all need to survive.
When our children do come to us with their problems, we need to take the time to hear them. We need to guide them to the right places to find the assistance they need. We must show we are there for them without our own agenda or pride in the way. We need to be there with compassion and love.
Sometimes we will fail, and that will be ok. We can acknowledge our own failures and use them as a way to show our children how to learn from mistakes and move on. We look not for perfection in ourselves or our children, but for love and forgiveness.
We lead by example. We acknowledge that we are not the very best at anything, we acknowledge that we always are on a continual journey of growth. Striving to be better and always learning from each other. We teach our children that we learn from them and they learn from us. I have found this especially true as my own children got older.
So much happens as our children grow up. They are so capable and have their own mind. We need to give them the space to develop their own personalities and opinions, but we also need to be careful to not force them to be adults too quickly. This world thinks so much so fast, the input of information is constant and starts so young. We need to stand by our children and give them room to grow and be who they need to be.
When they are young help them to think and consider their choices, not just live by action and reaction. Help them to love who they are and stand by their choices, but if they want to change or make a new choice then give them the support and help they need to make that change. You are their parent. It’s ok to not be perfect, it’s ok to welcome change. It is our responsibility to show them how to not be afraid of who they want to be and demonstrate how they can make these changes.
Sometimes being a parent will require us to change for our children so we can give them a life that will help them to be happy and give them the best chance they can possibly have in life. As parents it is our role to be guides for our children. This is a lifetime job that adapts and changes as our children grow. We are only a few years ahead, but this gives us the ability to take our experiences, our failures, our successes, and our love and say it’s ok, we have their back.
In this world someone needs to have our back so we don’t feel like we are overwhelmed and so we feel like we can survive. As parents it is our job to fill this role for our children and not leave them looking for comfort from other people who may not love them as much as we do.
We don’t need to be perfect. We can be fallible, be wrong, be sad, mess up, but all the things we do we must do with love. We have to advocate for our children and see them as something that is worth fighting for. We are able to do amazing things when we are loved, so we need to give them the opportunity to have our love so they can grow and reach their full potential.
Children who believe their parents are incapable of mistakes or understanding their mistakes will feel lost because they think they too need to be perfect in an imperfect world. Those children will feel they have no one to talk to, they will be judged for their mistakes, and that no one will understand who they are. They will be alone. In this world it is so easy to feel alone even when surrounded by thousands of people, but it is hard to survive if you feel alone. We are born to be loved.
Life is a joyful thing. It has potential. It change and grow. In every moment we can see that we have choices and these choices can make our lives better and bring us joy and make it so we are not alone. Teach your children to look for the joy and see the potential. Show them that it’s ok to be broken sometimes because you can still stand back up stronger knowing why you broke. Broken things are not weak things. They are powerful things since they have learned what broke them and have lived on past it. That is strength, true strength.
Don’t be perfect, be strong and teach your children the strength of being flawed and wrong. Love them with all your heart and set them up for success.